


Please take my hand and don't let go

by 4_guineapigs



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-09
Updated: 2016-04-20
Packaged: 2018-05-25 18:43:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6206248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/4_guineapigs/pseuds/4_guineapigs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After being betrayed by a friend in middle school, Tanaka Ryuunosuke is bullied at school and has trouble at home. Things don't change when he goes to Karasuno High School. He doesn't have any friends and no one wants to spend time with him. <br/>Cana new student change his situation? </p>
<p>(I'm really bad at summaries)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

In his sixteen years, Tanaka Ryuunosuke just made one mistake. 

His three years at Karasuno High school just started around four weeks ago, at was May now. Finding new friends, entering a school club, making new experiences, having fun. That’s how he hoped it would be. Apparently, Lady Fortune had other plans for him. 

He always went to the same school with Kimoto Kouhei. They were in different classes, but eventually met. Kimoto had dark brown hair and eyes, was very muscular for his age, and he was 188 cm and handsome, which made him popular very quickly. Ryuunosuke himself wasn’t that muscular, but he considered himself normally built with his 173 cm. He was just 15, so he hoped to grow some more. Kimoto and he were best friends in middle school. They spent a lot of time together since they lived close. Playing video games was their favourite activity, but they also worked on their homework. They felt comfortable around each other. 

When Ryuunosuke was around twelve, he noticed that he was somehow different from the other boys in his class. They talked about sports, singers or actresses and admired their beauty or how cute they were. Ryuunosuke just thought he wasn’t interested in that kind of stuff, as he didn’t really like talking about these kind of things. He was actually more interested in the clothes they wore. He was also not interested in the female friends his older sister brought home with her, like Kimoto was. He preferred dancing and fashion over playing baseball or soccer with his friends, and they started making fun of him. At that time Kimoto still defended him. 

When he was thirteen, he found out why he was different from his friends. He found out that he was attracted to boys. To say that he was shocked at first was an understatement. Ryuunosuke needed some time to process that and come to terms with his own sexuality. He withdraw a bit from his friends and spent some time alone, trying to find some books or articles that would help him. When he finally was comfortable with himself again, he decided that he should tell his best friend. After all, Kimoto probably knew the most about him, as they always shared secrets. 

They were spending the afternoon at Kimoto’s place, studying for a history test the next day. It took Ryuunosuke some time to muster the courage to tell his best friend about his sexual orientation. He explained him how he felt about boys and girls, and how troubled he was after discovering it. But he also told Kimoto that he wasn’t interested in him, so he shouldn’t worry about that. There was an uncomfortable silence after he confessed. He was waiting anxious for a response from his best friend. To him, it felt like hours until Kimoto finally reacted. 

He threw him out. Kimoto just told him to pack his books and leave the house. Nothing else. Ryuunosuke sighed and complied. What else could he have done? He left Kimoto’s house and hoped that his friend just needed time to think about what he just heard. Somewhat hopefully he walked home and finished the studying for the test alone.   
The next day at school Kimoto kept his distance to Ryuunosuke. The latter already thought that this would happen. The following days weren’t any different. In the week after that however, Ryuunosuke felt that something changed. He found out that Kimoto betrayed him and it scattered the hope he had. His classmates were whispering to each other and stopped when he came close. They also didn’t invite him anymore to hang out with them. And around three weeks after coming out to his best friend, the whole school knew he was gay. They started bullying him, there wasn’t a day anymore he wasn’t called names. He started hating going to school, but it would take around one more year before he could go to a high school. He knew he just had to bear it, but that was harder than it sounded. 

It got even harder when his parents found out about him being gay. Apparently, Kimoto’s mother met his mother at the supermarket, they talked about their children and Kimoto’s mother told his mother what she heard from her son. Ryuunosuke knew he wasn’t the favourite child, he wasn’t born as a girl and wasn’t even planned to begin with. So when his mother found out that her son was gay, she was outraged. She actually wanted to throw him out of the house, but thought this would make her look like a failure and bring shame to her family. After her talking with his father, his parents agreed he could stay in their house if he would pay rent. What other option did he have than finding himself a part time job? His big sister kept out of the whole conversation. Ryuunosuke didn’t know if she just didn’t care or was too afraid to say something. 

Now, standing on the Karasuno High School roof, eating a rice ball, he looked down on the other students. Thinking back about everything happening to him in the last three years made him realize that telling Kimoto he was gay was the biggest mistake he ever made. 

Kimoto told his classmates in middle school about it, and those class mates told friends from other classes, so the news spread around in school and he lost all his friends. His family finding out lead to him needing a part time job. He had to work at a small bookstore after school, usually until the evening, so he could pay some rent to his parents. At home, he additionally had to do the house work, cook food and go grocery shopping, sometimes in exchange for food or missing rent. He was struggling with his school, because he just didn’t have the time to focus on his studies. But he knew he couldn’t move out, he would need way more money that way, which would just mean working more. It was a vicious cycle. 

And even now in Karasuno, nothing changed, since Kimoto chose to go to the same High school. Within just one week after coming here, everyone knew about him. The bullying and names just continued. Even those people who wouldn’t mind Ryuunosuke wasn’t into girls, didn’t dare to become friends with him. They were afraid of being bullied too. Some days, Ryuunosuke would find notes at his desk with mean drawings or insults, he once also found a razor blade in his shoes after changing his clothes after PE, luckily before putting them on. 

Even with all the bullying, mean words and once in a while a jostle in the hallway, and the verbal abuse at home, he was too afraid to go to the guidance counselor of his school, or even the police. He feared everything would be worse after that. No, all he had to do was to endure everything for three more years, until he would finish High school so he could start working. He knew it wouldn’t be a good job, because he wouldn’t be able to get a university degree, but he didn’t care. Ryuunosuke just needed enough money to move to his own place, preferably far, far away. That’s all he wanted. 

He finished the last bite of his rice ball, his last meal before going home around 10:00 this evening, and put his lunch box in his backpack. He had the last shift at the bookstore, they would close around 9:00. He has to clean everything there and on his way back home he had to buy some groceries before starting dinner preparations. Just thinking about that made him sigh. He was happy over the fact that he could at least do some homework when there was no customer in the book store, and he could use the books that were useful for doing that. The bald-headed teen made it to his seat at the very end of the classroom and got his books out of his bag. The next two class were math. He actually didn’t understand even a bit of their current subject, because he accidentally fell asleep during the introduction. He tried to understand it during class and when doing homework, but he just couldn’t understand it. He also already asked his math teacher to explain it to him again after class one day, but the explanation just confused him more. And asking one of his classmates would just be wasted effort. Maybe he could ask his big sister, but she always was busy with her college and Ryuunosuke didn’t want to bother her. Even though he paid attention to the teacher in class and wrote the calculation down, he still didn’t understand a word. 

After sitting through history and art, the exhausted teen made his way directly to the book store. The owner already waited for him to take over the shift, and wished him a nice evening. The owner was a nice older man, sometimes he would even bring the teen some food when his wife cooked too much. His wage wasn’t the best, but he liked working here. The customers were nice and he liked talking with them and helping to find the right book. That evening, there were just a few customers in the store, so he was looking for the right math book to his current subject and hoped it would at least help him to understand a bit. During his shift, he was able to get most of his homework done, not just math also the other subject. 

After the last customer left, he quickly cleaned and closed the store and made his way to the close by supermarket. His mother already shoved a shopping list and the necessary money into his hands before he left for school, so he quickly bought everything written down and hurried to get home. Some minutes before 11:00, the fatigued teen finally arrived home. His father was standing in the kitchen, a cup of tea in his hands, his mother and his sister seemed to be in bed already. He greeted his father and hastily started with the dinner, Karaage as requested. At least that was a meal that didn’t take too much time preparing. When everything was done, he cleaned the kitchen and set the timer of the rice cooker so the rice would be done tomorrow morning when everyone was up. After that, Ryuunosuke took a quick shower and went to bed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took me so long to update this chapter, I was busy with work.
> 
> Please let me know if you find any spelling mistakes, maybe you have noted that English is not my mother tongue ;) 
> 
> Have fun with this chapter :)

Chapter 2

Standing up at 6:30 in the morning was usually hard for him, as he didn’t sleep well. Sometimes, Ryuunsouke wakes up in the night and can’t go back to sleep due to his generally light sleep. But he somehow got used to being tired every day. He just had to get out of bed and would be a bit more awake after making himself ready for the day.

After his morning routine, he prepared breakfast and the lunch boxes for his parents, his sister made that on her own. His father entered the kitchen, but they normally don’t talk, because Ryuunosuke didn’t know what to talk about and thought he might bother his father. That feeling was even worse with his mother. He wasn’t allowed to talk with her unless she wanted to. His parents didn’t hit him, but he was constantly told that he meant nothing to them. He wasn’t planned and wasn’t really welcomed here. They once told him that, when his mother discovered she was pregnant with him, it was unfortunately too late for an abortion. Until he was seven, he thought it was normal that boys don’t get a hug from their parents. But on the bright side, he was able to cook decent meals, and could even sew and iron clothes if needed. But he always felt very edgy at his own home, the place he should feel safe, because he always expected scolding or insults. When something wasn’t going according to plan or broke, it was normally his fault. 

His father didn’t really talk with him, he just requested his coffee and breakfast. After he prepared the same for his mother, the teen packed his own lunchbox and left the house. It was actually too early to go to school, but it was better than staying at home. Since the school was already open, Ryuunosuke strolled in to the library and spent the time until classes there. The school library seemed to be the only place he could have at least find some peace, as students should keep quiet here. Plus, in the mornings, there was normally just him. So he spent the remaining time to classes in the library browsing fantasy novels he would like to read. He preferred Fantasy stories, because reading them was, to him, a possibility to escape reality for as long as he read. 

He left the library as late as possible for classes, he didn’t want to spend too much time in the class room to avoid contact with his class mates. They normally behaved when the teacher was with them in the class room. However, some teachers already noted that the students behaved different towards Ryuunsouke. A few of the teachers tried to tackle that with group work during classes, but that peace really just lasted during classes. Ryuunosuke hated those group works, he always had the feeling his classmates disliked him even more after working with him. That was just one more reason to be happy about at least not being in the same class with Kimoto. Other teachers tried to avoid conflicts and distributed the same task to each student. 

The last class for the day was PE. Fortunately for him, they would play volleyball that day. Since he had some skills in that, because he played in a club at middle school, he was not the last to be chosen in to a team. He really enjoyed playing volleyball. Actually, he also wanted to join the club at Karasuno High School, but when the third years heard about his sexual orientation, they declined his application. He didn’t really have high hopes of being accepted, but it was at least worth a try. When playing volleyball, he felt some kind of inner calmness he couldn’t feel for the rest of the day. The team he played for even managed to win, so Ryuunsouke needn’t be afraid of anything happening to him after the class was over. When the teacher called the class off, he busied himself with tidying up the gym. He knew the other boys didn’t like him changing at the same time. And he also still had enough time before he would go to the bookstore today, so he didn’t need to hurry that much. 

On his way to the book store, he lost the battle with himself and bought a melon pan at the small convenience store close to the book store. The teen doesn’t often buy himself something out of his plan, but sometimes he just couldn’t resist. Arriving at his workplace, he found the bookstore owner already waiting for him.   
“Ryuunosuke-kun, I’m sorry to send you out straight after you came here, but could you deliver Matsumoto-san’s order to her? She hurt one of her feet some days ago and has some trouble walking.” the owner asked.   
“Yes, of course, just let me put my bag in the back room.” With that, Ryuunosuke put his school bag on the table in the employee area in the store and came back to his boss in the front.   
“I wrote you the address here on the envelope, and I already told Matsumoto-san you are on your way. Oh, and I hope you didn’t eat too much for lunch. My wife made too much for dinner yesterday and asked me to give you the leftovers.”   
“Oh, really? That’s very nice from your wife! Please say my thanks to her, Akaishi-san!” Ryuunosuke was really happy about the food. He usually just had a rice ball or some cup noodles at school. And Akaishi-san’s food was always super delicious. He already met her, as she would sometimes come to the store to give her husband something to eat or get a book for herself. Looking forward to eating whatever Akaishi-san made, he hurried to deliver the ordered book to Matsumoto-san. Matsumoto-san was a nice older lady who gave him a small bag of candy for his effort. It wasn’t his favourite, but he would save it for later anyway. 

Back in the store, he took off his school uniform jacket und put on the store’s dark blue apron with the bookworm on it. That day didn’t seem to be too busy for him. He helped a mother and her child picking out a reading learning book with subjects she liked and gave an older man some novel recommendations. When there was no customer, he dusted the books and displays like every Wednesday. Ryuunosuke managed to close the bookstore on time today, there were no customers at the end of his shift, so he could clean earlier. On his way home he got a text from her mother to buy some milk and egg before going home. When he arrived at the Tanaka residence, his mother just shoved a recipe in his hands and told him to make a cake for her boss’ birthday the next day. He sighed and started working after changing to more comfortable clothes. It wasn’t a very complicated cake to make, he still went to bed around 1:30 in the morning though. Before finally being able to go to bed, he still had to try to finish some of his homework due the next day and take a shower. When he stood under the warm water, he was really glad he shaved his head, hat really saved him big time on occasions like this. And no hair also meant no one could pull on it. Luckily, he was exhausted that day so falling asleep didn’t take too long. 

The teen was still happy that the next day was a Friday. He could do his homework on the weekend and go to bed earlier. And he didn’t have that many classes on Fridays. His good mood just lasted until the second class. His history teacher came in to the classroom with an unannounced review test. The tutor wanted to see how much attention his students paid to him and his class. Ryuunosuke knew he wouldn’t pass that test after reading the questions. He could answer some of them, but never had had the time to read through the material again to revise anything. He sighed deep and answered the questions he could. He still tried to answer some of the questions he had no idea and just hoped he would get at least some points. After fifteen minutes, the teacher collected all tests and started grading them in class. He gave the students a page of their history book they should read and answer the questions at the end of the text. Since it wasn’t a long test, they got the papers back at the end of the class. Ryuunosuke managed to get at least eleven points. When the teacher gave him his test back, his teacher told the teen to pay more attention and review the material more, or he would otherwise fall behind. As if Ryuunosuke didn’t already know that.

After history class, the day was relatively uneventful. The teen got shoved into the wall on his way to the school roof for lunch, and found some mean drawings at his desk when he returned. All he could think of was that it was Friday, it would just be three and a half more hours until he could go home, he didn’t have to work in the bookstore that evening. But he would have to go to the store anyway to pick up his wage packet since it was the end of the month. Taking a deep breath, Ryuunosuke tried to calm himself and ignore the pretty graphic drawing and insults and threw them away. Even if he was hurting, he couldn’t show it. He just couldn’t give his bullies something else to make fun of. One of his classmates opened his mouth to probably throw another insult at him just as the door to the class room opened and their Japanese teacher Harada entered. She was a young and beautiful women, and some of the male students were into her. Nevertheless, Ryuunosuke knew she hated him, obviously for the same reason as everyone else, because she told him straight to his after class ended. And of course some other students heard that and used this to their advantage too. During class Harada just ignored him, she would even skip over him when it came to reading a passage from their text book. And to the teen’s fortune, they had two classes of Japanese in a row before he could finally leave the school for the weekend. And as always, he was pretty exhausted after the classes finished. Having to deal with his fellow students was one thing, but also trying to ignore the implied insults from his teacher was on another level. 

Ryuunosuke waited until everyone already left the classroom before he cleaned the chalk board and left. He checked his phone but couldn’t find any messages, so he slowly went to Akaishi-san’s bookstore to pick up his wage envelope. The older man already waited for him. On Fridays, Akaishi-san’s daughter would help out in the store, so there was usually no work for him unless she had appointments or was ill. He was invited to drink a cup of green tea with the old Akaishi-san, and sat down and talked a bit with him. An hour later, he went home with his wage envelope in his school bag, humming quietly to himself. 

Coming home, he wasn’t that relaxed anymore. As he got paid at the end of the month, he also had to pay for living in this house. His mother was already sitting at the kitchen table, a paper with calculations in front of her.   
“You’re late!” Ryuunosuke flinched a bit at the sharp tone.   
“I’m sorry, my boss talked to me.” Ducking his head he sat across the table and gave her his wage envelope, like every month. It was either this or sleeping on the streets. His mother took the money for his part of the rent and the electricity and water bills. The teen didn’t have that much left afterwards, but he would manage. He always did manage somehow, and he already had less to go by.   
“Your father and I will go out to eat with some of his colleagues today. And your sister will be gone too. So don’t make dinner today! But the kitchen and the bathroom need to be cleaned!” He carefully took the rest of his money and put it back in to the envelope. “Yes, mother.” Ryuunosuke took off his uniform jacket and went straight to the kitchen, grabbed the sponge and the cleaner and started. If he would finish everything before his family left, he could have the evening to himself. The kitchen wasn’t that dirty, the teen hoped the bathroom wouldn’t need too much cleaning too. 

He finished the cleaning around two hours later. Putting everything away, he made his way towards his room. In the hallway, he met his older sister.  
“Will go to the city now, don’t need to wait for me. Have fun tonight!” With that she passed by him and left the house. Ryuunosuke went in to his room and closed the door, sighing deeply before changing his school uniform to something more comfortable. Although he has been living with his sister so long, he sometimes still doesn’t really know how to act around her. The bald teen wasn’t even sure how she felt about him. Was he a nuisance to her like to his parents? Or did she care for him? Or was he just there? His sister wasn’t mean to him, she never said anything when their parents were trash talking him. She also gave him some sweets or bought him melon pan once in a while. And sometimes, when their parents weren’t at home, she talked to him like they were actually siblings. Nothing too deep and he never told her how school was for him or that he doesn’t have friends, he was just too used to not bother other people with his problems by now. She didn’t gave him too many private information either. Some years ago that was a bit different, they always talked with each other about their problems and troubles. But after his involuntary coming out, she distanced herself from him. Ryuunosuke assumed it was to get herself out of the line of fire. And Ryuunosuke himself didn’t want to get her in trouble. 

As his parents were still at home, he was too anxious to just lay on the bed and relax, so he sat on his desk and tried to finish his homework. It wasn’t really good, but his teachers could see that he at least tried to do the exercise sheets they gave out. Some minutes after eight o’clock, he could hear the front door closing which meant his parents just left the house. The teen waited some minutes to see if they forgot something and came back, and to finish the last of his exercise sheets, but thirty minutes later he took a quick shower and put on his pyjamas. He knew that trying to fix anything of his homework wouldn’t really have any effect, so the teen gave up on that. Ryuunosuke was hungry, but he knew he couldn’t use the kitchen, as his mother told him to not make dinner. That also included him. Therefore, he took a cereal bar from under his desk and ate it. Tomorrow, he would have to make a plan what to buy over the next four weeks. Before going to bed, he brushed his teeth and hid himself almost completely under his blanket and waiting for sleep to overcome him. 

Saturday morning definitely came too early. The teen felt like he just fell asleep, he heard his parents come home and in the middle of the night his sister. So when he got up around eight, everyone else was still asleep, which meant he could prepare the breakfast in peace, additionally Ryuunosuke could eat his own breakfast before anyone else was up. After eating, he went back to his room and set up his grocery list, like he usually did. It prevented him from buying unnecessary things and gave him a better overview of everything he needed. The rest of the noon was pretty uneventful for him. He went out to do some grocery shopping for himself and his family, and tidied his room after that. Next, it was time to prepare the lunch. The teen knew very well that his mother could cook, if she wanted to, she just preferred having time for herself. He himself thought that cooking wasn’t that bad, and he could make some quiet decent meals. Eating together with his family was not normal however, it was just when someone from the family or his parent’s friends came over, Ryuunosuke normally ate alone in his room. As he didn’t have to do anything after lunch, he left the house, staying there would make him way too anxious. The teen went through the small town for a while before heading towards the library. Behind the library, there was a small park with a pond and a playground. He kept walking until he reached a small Café in the middle of the park, but his actual goal was the backside of the Café. 

When he arrived, he put his back aside and stretched his body thoroughly. He then got out his old clip on MP3 player and put it on. When the music started, the bald teen started to move to the music. For Ryuunosuke, dancing was one of the best ways to get his mind of everything and to clear his mind, it helped him relax and thing about stuff troubling him. Additionally, the place behind the Café was perfect for this. The floor was just loose sand, but he could see his reflection in the windows of the building and improve his own movements. Next to volleyball, he would say that his other big passion was dancing. His dancing even helped him built up some muscles and define some abs, even when he was still lanky, and he became pretty flexible through all it. He couldn’t even remember when it started, but one day some years ago, he listened to some music and had the urge to dance, and that’s what he did. He didn’t specialise on just one style, as long as the beat was fast enough, he danced to almost everything, he even taught himself how to dance some standard dances from books and videos on the internet. There is no dance club at his High School, and he couldn’t afford a membership at the local dance studio, so Ryuunosuke just danced for himself whenever he had the time, behind this small Café. There were not many people coming along the way past it, so he didn’t need to be afraid of someone finding out about this. Furthermore, he wasn’t even sure if he was any good or just looked like an absolute idiot having an epileptic seizure.

It was already getting dark when he finally decided to call it a day. Grabbing his bag, he went back home to take a quick shower and make dinner. After eating, he went straight to bed as he had to work on the bookstore on Sundays. On Sunday morning, he normally would try to fix some of his homework he tried on the Friday before and go to work right after preparing lunch. There were mostly just older ladies doing some browsing in the bookstore on Sundays, but he didn’t mind, as they were always nice to him and told him funny stories. Sunday was over rather quick and he prepared everything for school the next day.


End file.
